Before Christmas, when I was writing my annual letter to Santa Corpse, I mentioned that I wanted Steve Jobs to provide me with a device that gave me always on connectivity to a unlimited cellular data plan without having to buy a cell phone.
I hate cell phones, and not just because more than 80% of the people who use them are terminal assholes without the common sense and courtesy that God gave a bowl of cheese grits. No. That's not it.
I just don't like talking on the phone. I also don't like the idea of always being reachable by ordinary scum buckets and animated dish rags who can't even masturbate by themselves. The only reason I would want a cell phone is if it was equipped with a device that let me drive lethal injections into the brains of idiots who call me.
I've been a Macintosh user since 1984. I collaborated with Paul Fericano to produce The One Minute President on a 128K machine with a single 400K drive, and that machine was efficient enough — considering that my alternative was an IBM Selectric II — to produce camera-ready paste-up that led to a perfect bound edition of the book that is probably as dangerous today as it was back then. Hell, it gave the world George W. Bush!
That original Mac still runs, by the way. It is painfully slow, considering the advancements in 25 years, but it still runs. The floppy drive still works. Even some of the original magnetic disks still function.
Try that with the Wintel fecal detritus with its two-year refresh model and horrible software interface that is designed to motivate idiots to rant and rave about how great the X86 interrupt-based architecture and idiot-based Windows features are to other idiots. I really think that rounding up all the Windows users on the planet and running them over with trucks would not do any harm to the planet or the humans that try to live on it.
I plan to buy at least two iPads, a Wifi (aka Light Days) and a 3G (Super Maxi). Together they will cost me about 1.5 grand, and I will be able eventually to ditch my satellite DSL and satellite HDTV and probably save at least $1800 a year. I will also be able to get rid of lots of hardware that is only needed to serve as a hub for connectivity that the extra-absorbent non-exorbitant iPad will eventually provide.
Jobs and Apple understand that computing devices are tools to enable people to do the things they want to do with minimal investment in time and energy. Idiots are incapable of understanding that their time is worth money and keep buying cheap shit because that's the American Way and they are good citizens of the nation of miserable fucks (NOMF™).
I intend to have my iPads ready to sop up InterWeb menstrual messes the first day they ship. You can do what you want, but does it really make you feel good being an idiot?
It's bad enough you probably vote. Why not do one thing right in your worthless life before you die?
I've already placed an order for next year's iBrator.