WTF? Three days in a row above 100°. At 6:47 PDT, the weather station in the garden is reporting 103° and the front porch , shaded, is 100°. Tomorrow, it is supposed to get hot, according the the weatherdudes and dudettes.
I hate hot weather. I was born to live in the cold. After 17 years in New York City, where it was already too hot, I moved down South for 17 years — terminal dumbass that I am — hoping, I suspect to acclimatize myself for the end of the world. It didn't work. I hated the heat in North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Virginian, Arkansas, and Florida (who the fuck would live in Florida except for Jews and Catholics who have already resigned themselves to an afterlife in DebentureLand?).
When we moved out here in 1981, it was for the weather. Sure, Mrs. Faustroll was enrolled in the Specific College of Northwest Art (formerly known at the Museum Art Schule), and I was gainfully unemployed, having quit my lucrative career as a four-color press operator (the recent equivalent of buggy-whip quality inspector) and equipment control technican (where I had a chimpanzee who knew American Sign Language (ASL) tell me to kiss her ass while her brain was being section in the Animal Behavioral Research Center.
It took me nearly a year before I found a regular paycheck at the Multnomah County Department of Assessment and Taxation, where many people go to die. It's the human equivalent of an elephant ivory depository, although the humans in assessment and taxation have no ivory. In fact, they have no value at all. I know. I was one of them.
And during those incredibly dull and boring yearswith the Department of Assessment and Taxation, I think I remember two years when the temperature climbed to 100°,
I think people who live in places where the temperature routinely breaches 100° have forfeited their rights to express and opinion because the water in their brains has rendered their reasoning centers inoperative. They live indoors. They might as well be troglodytes.
Humans were meant to live outdoors. It is becoming increasingly difficult to do so. I am so grateful to have learned how to build an atomic bomb. I'm working on the detonator these days. I intend to set the thing to go off when I have to endure five days in a row above 100°.
If there were a God and He believed in me, He'd approve.