Now that the uppity suspected extraterrestrial usurper of the crown of the nation of miserable fucks (NOMF™) has produced an acceptably Photoshopped version of his alleged long-form Hawaiian birth certificate — much to the chagrin of birthers and teabaggers who have never heard of the word and suspect it is a kind of French wine — Donald "The Dust Bunny" Trump, a suspected leader of the terrorist Hair Club for Men, has upped the ante and called for Biraq Hussein Osama bin Laden to prove he isn't a Jew by showing the American people his penis on the final installment of Trump's Apprentice reality TV program, where Trump intends to announce his candidacy while fucking Sairhead Palin in the ear.
"I'm not a candidate," Trump may have said, according to our imaginary sources, "I'm a concerned citizen who represents the majority of people in this country like myself, and we think it's time the president show whether he's got a bigger dick than mine," grabbing his crotch and wagging his head suggestively so his comb-over briefly touched the floor before recoiling again atop his magnificently empty head as a monument for all that is best about the NOMF.