No one has ever gone broke misunderestimating the stupidity of the American people. Inspiring Americans to yearn to strive for the manageable mediocrity that comes with being dumb, fat, and lazy is what has made this country great. Look around, you don't believe me. Show me one accomplishment in the past 50 years of American history that wasn't predicated upon stupidity, ignorance, or mean-spirited bigotry, and I'll let you see my photograph collection of Klingons circling Uranus.
If the eight-year reign of error from 2000-2008 wasn't enough proof that Americans are morons, all you have to do is look at how U.S. elections are conducted and how easily voters get fooled again and again, unable to admit how completely batshit insane it is to expect different results while repeating the same dumb process.
Consider the fact that two ballot measures in Oregasm are in danger of failing, despite involving what amounts to spare change from the ruling class, but ordinary Oregonadian idiots are lining up in their tea-bagging costumes to shout and spew and fume and brandish weapons to celebrate the second amendment, which was put into the Constitution by the Founding Fathers in support of the notion that there is no problem that can't be solved with the right bullet. America is always looking to build better bullets.
Go for it, voters, go for it. The American promise is that no matter how often you blow off your feet, we can always make more, as long as abortions are hard to get. Don't let your own self-interest get in the way. Send these unfair taxes straight to hell and help send a clear message to the wishy-washy namby-pamby socialists that you're not going to put up with taxes that are job-killers, unfair, and give comfort to the enemy.
Here's the message that the rich people like me want you to realize that passing these socialist measures will do:
They will raise the income tax rate for ordinary people just like you earning more than a quarter of a million dollars by 1.8 percent. This means that you, my kind and gentle readers, who are sure to get a well-desreved raise to 260 grand next year will be robbed of another $180 by tax and spend liberals and Democrats who are soft on crime and willingly negotiate with trade unions and other terrorists.
And what will your money pay for? More unessential services on the hidden liberal and socialist agenda: K-12 education, prisons to house recreational gun enthusiasts, public safety personnel, mental health treatment, and in-home care for 3,000 elderly who should have been cut off long ago. We wouldn't need death panels in health care reform, if we just stopped Meals on Wheels, for Christ's sake.
In addition, Measure 66 will cut the tax rate for socialist gold-bricks and welfare cheats who prefer to stay on unemployment instead of getting rich like the rest of us so that the first $2,400 of the bail-outs we pay for through our hard-earned tax dollars will be free, and you know where they'll all spend it. That's right: on liquor, whores, and fast cars. I know that's what I do with my tax breaks.
Even worse, Measure 67 is going to cripple the Oregon economy and drive all the really good jobs to other states by raising the minimum tax on corporations from $10 to $150 a year. That's an outrageous increase of 1500%. This tax has been in effect since 1931 and businesses paid the 10 bucks without complaint or lobbying to have this unfair levy rolled back or turned into a tax credit.
So why is it necessary to rock the boat and change things now? You see what Obama's agenda of hope and change has resulted in. Since he took over, the economy is in shambles, my mortgage is in foreclosure, and we are less safe today than we were at any time in the Bush administration. What this country coming to when you can't go into a crowded place without worrying what people are hiding in their underpants?
Even the great hero Rudolph Guilliani begrudingly admits that he no longer holds out hope for bi-partisan agreement with the nation's first openly non-white president, noting on national television following the terrible Christmas Day Fruit of the Loom incident that there were no terror attacks on U.S. soil during the previous administration because Bush worked hard to keep the nation safe after the 9/11 mess he inherited from Bill Clinton, who was too busy getting hum jobs in the Oval Office to care about ordinary rich people like you and me.
So, being my own advocate here (because most of you know by now who I am, or will you please allow me to introduce myself?), let me encourage all my readers in Oregasm and surrounding states (who know where to look along rural routes for mail-in ballots belonging to the recently homeless) to vote early and vote often to defeat these heinous attempts to punish the rich for all the good work they have done to keep jobs in Oregon and make the state the kind of place they wouldn't ever want to leave.
Don't ruin things now. Thing about it. Could you really afford an extra $300 a year on your salary to pay for the kinds of things that you don't need and don't give a fat rat's booty about? Do you want your kids to hate you for mortgaging their future to educate them today? I didn't think so.
Vote NO on Measure 66/67. It's the least you can do in return for being rich.