Ending hours of speculation over why he withdrew from golf appearances for the remainder of the season, unidentified spokesgoblins for links phenom Tiger Woods would neither confirm nor deny reports today that he and The Wrong Reverend Jeremiah Wright have volunteered to lead 30,000 American troops into Afghanistan as part of president Biraq W. Bush's strategy to ensure right-wingnut support for Demoblican candidates in the 2010 mid-term elections.
Dubbed Operation Pat Tillman, the surge in troops is intended to get teabaggers, birthers, and Psalmists to unload their weapons before attempting to disrupt personal appearances by the first openly non-white U.S. President since the Pleistocene Age as he apologizes for their abject stupidity.