While all you whining Republicants, Demoblicunts, InDependswearers, and assorted miserable fucks have mass debated whether the God-given odor of supply side trickle-down necronomics can prevail when confronted with the insidious stench of idealistic humanitarian socialism, it appears that the zombie apocalypse has been doing a number on your debilitating brain stems.
Do you think America is number one when it comes to fielding a committed team of brain-munching douche-bags and douche-baggettes? I should hope so. The massive effort of lunacy, idiocy, mean-spirited assinity and terminal avarice we pride ourselves upon should matter for something. Why else would we vote?
And now comes a study that twits and other virtual friends have overly developed amygdalas, the portion of the brain that survives after all the interesting and entertaining parts of the gray jelly in the skull cavity have atrophied and oozed out the ears like pus from an undefined infection.
This is the portion that keeps the zombies roaming around in your house and looking for juicy bits to crack into and slurp as they struggle to find a lasting end to their painfully meaningless existences, which is what we all share.
Apparently, the bigger your amygdala, the more friends and family you nurture and are nurtured by. When you eventually succumb to the hungry obese zombie within, you will have more marrow and slop to slurp on, making you a better voter.
Social scientists are now working to transform our understanding of the amygdala from that primitive bestial portion of the brain that drives survival and conquest behavior into a new paradigm that supports recent market opportunities in social engineering and virtual buttfucking that even you might one day use to become the next whatever his name is.
The amygdala used to be considered the portion of the brain than helped people differentiate between friends and food, but now it is being rediscovered as the area that helps otherwise illiterate assholes like you figure out how to string together up to 140 characters to compose irrefudiatable contributions to the world of unfettered letters like a modern-day Shakespeare.
According to the authors of the study, it is too soon to determine whether having a bigger amygdala leads to being a bigger prick or cunt or if being a worthless obnoxious twit of any sexual orientation leads to a bigger amygdala, but you can be sure that another grant application is under development to consider the implications.
As usual, such research is funded by your tax dollars in the name of basic market research without any intention of producing any immediate practical payoff, because that's how government is supposed to operate in a supply side economic model. If you think our tax dollars should be used for the common good, you should move to a socialist country, you commie scumbag.
In the long run, such studies might lead to ways to help small business people to realize new opportunities to profit from active social lives that are neither socialist nor antisocial while minimizing exposure to sexually transmitted diseases.
Amygdala research made headlines earlier this month when researchers reported on a woman without a working amygdala who felt no fear when threatened by other zombies. In fact, she ate parts of two of the research assistants who were studying her.