First off, I want to dispel the rumors that Ignoranian First Idiot Ahmed Elton Donnie Osmandjohn ordered the accidentual overdose of the ultimate wardrobe malfunction involving the Kink of Fop. And secondly, I want to reach out to all those Farrah Fawcett fans out there who feel cheated by Wacko Jacko's preempting of any possible chance that Charley's Angels fans will have a respectable period of mourning where they can drop their tacky roadside memorials in places normally reserved for roadkill.
And a shout out to you too Ryan. I can barely imagine how difficult this time must be for you, realizing that an acquitted child abuser with a plastic nose nearly brought the Internet to its knees, while Farrah's mauldin EOL broadcast movie was viewed by fewer people than watched Mr. Bean Sucks Shit Through a Straw To Preserve The Monarchy. That's so sad I'm tempted to blister my insignificant penis by slamming my recently exercised second rights into my police tape roped off naked crotch area. Oh, oh, oh.
I can remember the first time I mocked Michael Jackson back in The Thriller days when I was forced to attend stress management courses at Multnomah County. Those were the days when I still felt that while not everything was possible, some things still were.
Reagan was president and widely appreciated despite his obvious dementia, and ordinary Americans had not quite descended to the level of garden slugs although most agreed in polls conducted by the liberal media that being described as garden slugs was a step up from being descirbed as ordinary Americans.
So if it is true that Jacko took a bribe from the Iranian government and killed himself with an overdose of Oxycondin borrowed from Rush Hindenberg and manufactured by Big Pharma to distract the Obamination from the sagging crackdown on bruthas and sistas in the Persian ancestral territories, I am appalled, and I am willing to punch the proper keys on my disposable mobile phone in response to an indepently conducted survey intended to make us all aware of how fucking stupid we are.
Not that I ever intend to give a shit.
Not that you are either.