This post is obviously not about the allegedly unfortunate incident in Arizona over the weekend that has cast a pall over the festivities surrounding the BCS football championship between an Oregon team that licenses a speech-challenged cartoon mascot from Disney Enterprises, and another well-funded collection of uppity picaninnies working to prove that the New South isn't afraid to teach Mark Twain's Huckleberry Finn so long as the couple of hundred uses of nigger in the book are replaced by homey, home boy, jigaboo, spearchucker, Brazil nut, kike-sucker, darky, brutha, gangsta, mamba dick, black dude, high-tone, or genetically inferior welfare cheat?
No, this post is about misguided attempts by the extreme right, extreme left, and extreme moderates to use the Tucson shootings last weekend as political cover for several equally repugnant positions that do not directly confront my long-standing commitment to bringing on the bomb.
Furiously, you fup duck clinically inefficient people, I mean look at this guy. Isn't this the face only the mother of all spontaneous terrorists could love?
From cursory visits to the three to four hundred of sites where sanctimonious hordes of concerned Baby Jeebus worshippers are typing illiterate condolences to dead people who no longer mind their stupidity and are actually looking forward to rising from the dead and eating their brains, it appears that many mommy bloggers think this guy's head is the ultimate dildo. He just needs a little lube to understand its place in the universe.
On the other hand, my gay sources suggest that they would fuck this kid up the ass despite his unsettling resemblance to Peter Boyle in Young Frankenstein even if his name was Nils Lofgren, which at least two of my earlier reports claimed was his actual name, adding that he thought he was killing Kathy Lee Giffords for leaving Frank and ending his career on Monday Night Football.
I considered calling Eric Allenbuagh to get his take on the latest anedocotal evidence that the Untied States of Diptheria has embraced its new identiy as a nation of miserable fucks (NOMF™) but the dude didn't answer my e-mail after the Oklahoma City bombing of the Alferd E. Packer Building by Christine McVie, so I don't expect he'll be responding to my snarchyness now. That's right: I put the snarch in anarchy.
As I've said elsewhere: I have been paying taxes for 50 years to build a nuclear arsenal that could solve all our imaginary problems in a couple of minutes if we just used it.
Instead we have to endure these annoying swarms of gnats from time to time, for no good reason. Probably not even for any bad reason.