TKO, Japan (RUNS) – Incoming socialist dictator Yukio Hussein Hatoyama ordered an overhaul of the Japanese Health Care System during his victory speech this morning, following the complete annihilation of another close ally of former U.S. First Idiot George Goober Bush, demonstrating that outrage over Republican and conservative politicians around the world continues to grow, threatening to upset the balance of power on planet Earth and send its blithering occupants hurtling into the sun before global warming gets its chance to really kick some neocondi rice and beaner ass.
Hatoyama immediately instituted death panels to decide the fate of the infirm, elderly, and any Japanese suspected of harboring more than four pairs of chromosomes shared by former Alaskan governor Sarah Sirhan Palin.
Hatoyama refused to answer questions on whether he intended to extradite former U.S. Fed Chairman Alan Spirit in the Sky Greenspan on charges of failing to rein in the irrational exuberance that plunged the world economy into the worst depression since Marilyn Monroe committed suicide.
Prime Minister Taro Wata Aso conceded defeat minutes later and said he would kill himself by the end of business on Tuesday after lunch, a cosmic time in the universe. "As supreme woodenhead of the party, I feel strong responsibility for this humiliating loss, and it is my honorable intention to terminate myself with extreme prejudice." Aso blamed his loss in part to Western journalists who often pronounced his name incorrectly and sometimes mocked him in print as Prime Minstrel Winky Sphincter.
The loss of conservative power in Japan, a staunch and early member of the Fubar Bush coalition of willing in the never-ending reelection war on reason, is seen by many rational poopadoodle observers in the NOMF™ and elsewhere as a sign a new world order is emerging that appears averse to allowing the Asos, Bush-leaguers, and supply-side urine pushers to get away with any more of the jewelry and furnishings they have plundered from the middle class over the last decade.
The stock market reacted to the news of another Democratic conquest by panicking and driving off a series of cliffs, as savvy investors tried to find places to hide their money from fraud investigators and tax auditors.
Meanwhile, in other news, former closeted Homeland Security Secretary and Terror Czar Tom Terrific Ridge blamed "liberals and other enemies of the state" for pointing out that his memoir says that politics played a role in discussions of whether to play around with the terror alert system before the 2004 elections to test which detergent best removes shit stains from the underwear of voting-age idiots.
The Test of Our Times: America Under Siege is Ridge’s latest attempt to cash in on his years of doing very little and whining about it. On ABC’s Good Morning Dysfunctia, the well-fed Ridge said that his book shows that the system worked the way it was supposed to, meaning that Bush and his thugs were reelected to another four years of incoherent raving to hide their incompetence and most Americans got butt-fucked and later pillaged.
"A consensus was reached. We didn't go up. We didn't go down. We shook hands and exchanged furtive glances. The process worked," Ridge said.
Ridge went on to agree with former vice president in hiding insignificant Dick Cheney that it “would be criminal” for the Obama administration to investigate and prosecute the hundreds of little Eichmanns who were just following orders and believed they were acting within the law. I guess this means he expects Attorney General Eric High Tone Holder to indict himself if he goes ahead with the torture investigation.
No one bothered to ask the pompous windbag why he bothered to bring the issue up in his book to begin with if he wasn’t prepared for people to say: “I told you so, douchebags.”