For Christ's sake, people, how could a bunch of Talibanistic Islamis breaking out of a maximum security prison in Kandahar be considered anything other than an opportunity for target practice by the potential heroes in this never-ending reelection campaign war against terror? It's time to nut up and clear your sights in defense of your Second Amendment rights to add to the body count! Lock and load!
It's an affront to the fading memory of all those good Christian soldiers of the Greatest Generation who showed their terminal mettle — despite their obvious retardation and lack of education — to consider a goddamn jailbreak by a bunch of mother-fucking ragheads a major blow to efforts by the brave and noble coalition of the willing to bend over or kneel down before their Commander-In-Chief — whether or not he is native born of a liberal white woman who didn't mind putting out for a Kenyan jungle-bunny — "a major blow to NATO." Unless, of course, the blow was either white powder or considered an adjective followed by the noun "job" and administered by a chubby intern in exchange for presidential knee-pads or your mother.
Hell, only three of the 250 Allied heroes in the actual WWII suicide mission made it to freedom despite what the Hollywood film suggested, inspiring such box office and ballot box favorite variations as the raids on Entebbe and the Achille Lauro, the Homeric rescue of Jessica Lynch, and let's not forget the heroic death of NFL star Pat Tillman, or the awe-inspiring messages in BlackHawk Down and The Charge of the Light Brigade.
How could anyone demean these incredible testaments to morality and purity by suggesting that their ludicrous deaths were less important than the nearly 500 so-called evil ones who made it away scot free, without even being detected? To say that a bunch of high-ranking terrorists being able to escape the ever-vigilant eyes of the sleepy cells of goodness to rejoin their troops and wage jihad within the axis of evil against our warriors in the spokes of freedom and justice is just silly.
Take my birth certificate. Please.
Of course, if one of these escapees were to show up at my house and shove an AK up my ass and tell me to pimp their cause, I assume I'd probably act just like mainstream liberal media that has done so much to make this inane nation of miserable fucks (NOMF™) so admired by extraterrestrial commentators.